Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2017

My whole journey with Ana started as a scared 8 year old who didn't know where else to turn apart from to the one thing I could control or have safety in...food. Over my years in recovery there's always been the thought that it stemmed from my been a figure skater and my constant strive for perfection on the ice. With my weight and how I look to others. But it wasn't, it's from a destructive life growing up, and from all the things that came with it. Maybe been a skater was the wrong job to be in while clutching the eating disorder. It's a profession and sport with alot of concerns with anorexia etc but that said it also carries alot of strong athletes who need to eat correctly for their sport and life.

After struggling so much over the years I have never put myself in the right place to recover, even in a unit I couldn't do it. My three children and pregnancies (including those we lost) have never been enough.....maybe I'm selfish or maybe this thing is so much bigger than me.

Silence is one of the biggest killers with anorexia and bulimia, the silence of hiding a problem. It grows and grows behind peoples backs and it becomes your little world.

This is why I'm restarting my blog, daily hopefully. Not just for myself but hopefully to help others to speak out. Some things need to be shared. I've kept many things secret and it causes me to fail at recovery. I have no realisation of the events that have happened. My dads suicide, my heart failing twice, been sectioned....family have snubbed and it's not the way. I'm not scared to fight anymore.

These three sausages are so much more to me than the eating disorder.

So thank you anorexia it's been a journey I have endured for so long now but it's finally time to get off this circus. There would have been a time when the photo I've posted made me yearn to be thin and tiny and brittle again but today it makes me want nothing but the opposite.