I was asked today by my online recovery journal to think of a time when I've been given opportunities or when things could have been even worse than they have been. Doing this exercise has helped massively. It got me thinking and I'm so grateful.
There was a time I was in Westlands unit and I tried to strangle myself as I had hit the end of the road. I had been trying frequently and this time when I came around the staff were in my room and apparently I'd gone blue and had lost consciousness and was totally out of it. When I came round Elaine told me how horrible it is to find a patient like that and how horrible it is to think of the kids and Lee and me totally not ever been there again. In that moment and the days following I felt lucky to be alive and lucky to have been found when I did. I felt guilty that I nearly lost my children and let everyone down. If I didn't survive that and hadn't been given another chance then I wouldn't have felt recovery focused in The Retreat, and I wouldn't be having this baby. Again at a low weight and been severely poorly physically and mentally I have been given the opportunity to have a baby and I cannot be more grateful for that. In the moments when my body should have been giving up and shutting down it allowed a new life to be created. It's a miracle and in moments when I'm struggling or feeling 'crap' I should remember these events and be grateful that I have been given chances and opportunities......even miracles that I am alive or having reasons to live.
There was a time I was in Westlands unit and I tried to strangle myself as I had hit the end of the road. I had been trying frequently and this time when I came around the staff were in my room and apparently I'd gone blue and had lost consciousness and was totally out of it. When I came round Elaine told me how horrible it is to find a patient like that and how horrible it is to think of the kids and Lee and me totally not ever been there again. In that moment and the days following I felt lucky to be alive and lucky to have been found when I did. I felt guilty that I nearly lost my children and let everyone down. If I didn't survive that and hadn't been given another chance then I wouldn't have felt recovery focused in The Retreat, and I wouldn't be having this baby. Again at a low weight and been severely poorly physically and mentally I have been given the opportunity to have a baby and I cannot be more grateful for that. In the moments when my body should have been giving up and shutting down it allowed a new life to be created. It's a miracle and in moments when I'm struggling or feeling 'crap' I should remember these events and be grateful that I have been given chances and opportunities......even miracles that I am alive or having reasons to live.
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