I'm nearing the end of my second pregnancy and I'm sat here trying to break down this 'thing' that's in my head. After reading my last post I realise how different this pregnancy has been to cope with despite having the same desperation to make sure this baby is ok.
Our baby boy is due in Feb. I found out in June I was expecting again. My BMI was below 17 and I hadn't even thought about the prospect that I would be able to fall pregnant and for that I am truly blessed! I know so many girls who cannot conceive
People reading this may think that like before the pregnancy should've stabilised me, and for the first few weeks of panicking about baby it did. I ate in a panic that I would loose the baby, I didn't purge or exercise but it was extremely difficult. Every person touching my stomach or saying I looked we'll made me want to scream. It ground me down, this thing has become so much bigger than me.
I'm very lucky to have the support of a wonderful hubby, and a daughter who's smile and laugh gets me through each day. I guess until I'm really ready to accept I have an eating disorder I can't move on. This thing totally rules you're life and occupies your every move and every thought.
I guess I just wanted to show there's 2 sides to the story and each part of this journeys different. I believe I will reach a stronger point in time but I want people to realise and feel ok if they're having a blip.......it's part of the ride! I've gone from having a job and career, social life, been independent to completely the opposite and it's starting to hit me how devastating this is.
But there is hope and this illness can be beaten, you can have highs with the lows and you can get through this! I want to believe that it can be beaten but at first I guess it's an acceptance that its managing day by day.
'There came a day when the risk it took to stay closed in a bud was greater than the risk to bloom, this is the element of freedom'
Our baby boy is due in Feb. I found out in June I was expecting again. My BMI was below 17 and I hadn't even thought about the prospect that I would be able to fall pregnant and for that I am truly blessed! I know so many girls who cannot conceive
People reading this may think that like before the pregnancy should've stabilised me, and for the first few weeks of panicking about baby it did. I ate in a panic that I would loose the baby, I didn't purge or exercise but it was extremely difficult. Every person touching my stomach or saying I looked we'll made me want to scream. It ground me down, this thing has become so much bigger than me.
I'm very lucky to have the support of a wonderful hubby, and a daughter who's smile and laugh gets me through each day. I guess until I'm really ready to accept I have an eating disorder I can't move on. This thing totally rules you're life and occupies your every move and every thought.
I guess I just wanted to show there's 2 sides to the story and each part of this journeys different. I believe I will reach a stronger point in time but I want people to realise and feel ok if they're having a blip.......it's part of the ride! I've gone from having a job and career, social life, been independent to completely the opposite and it's starting to hit me how devastating this is.
But there is hope and this illness can be beaten, you can have highs with the lows and you can get through this! I want to believe that it can be beaten but at first I guess it's an acceptance that its managing day by day.
'There came a day when the risk it took to stay closed in a bud was greater than the risk to bloom, this is the element of freedom'
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